Commentary: Learning How to Deal With Difficult Colleagues Leads to Better Service
When an organization’s employees aren’t happy, it’s unlikely they’ll be providing the kind of quality service that leads to happy customers. One of the fastest ways to create internal strife is to let “difficult” people go unchecked. Too often, organizations promise satisfaction to external customers and then allow internal politics to frustrate their employees’ good intentions to deliver.
It’s important to remember that your customers aren’t the only ones who come through your organization’s door every day seeking quality service. Your co-workers and leaders also need to be served. If they’re not happy, it’s not likely they’ll deliver stellar service, and the same goes for you. Inevitably, “difficult people” will creep into your work life, disturbing yours, your colleagues’, and your leaders’, workflow and negatively affecting the service you provide.
However, once you’ve characterized someone as a “difficult person,” you’re already in a lose-lose situation. It’s like my view on difficult customers: there are no difficult customers, only difficult customer situations. When the entire organization agrees to define the way they work together using a common definition of service, everyone will be able to focus on creating value and serving each other better, which in turn leads to better external service.
So, instead of seeing angry co-workers and not wanting to have anything to do with them, you could stop and think: What do these people value? What are they not getting that they need? What can I do now to serve them better? When this culture of service takes hold in the organization, everyone feels better and works better together.
Here’s how you can use difficult situations to start building an uplifting service culture in your organization—from the inside out.
• Assess the situation carefully. Are your colleagues deeply upset or simply having a bad day? Are they angry about an ongoing internal issue that must be addressed and solved, or a one-off situation like a presentation gone wrong? Is this a process problem that persistently provokes, or a one-time irritation that will naturally fade away? Once you have assessed the situation, you can then determine whether these people just require a little personal attention from you—or whether a larger plan must be created.
• Shift your perspective. Stop thinking of your colleagues as “difficult” and start thinking about the difficulty they are experiencing, and how you can serve them in the current situation. What is it that they are concerned, disturbed or upset about that’s leading to this behavior?
Once you realize what a difficult situation means to other people, you can approach the issue with more compassion, generosity, empathy and patience. This is far more effective for both parties than concluding that others are difficult all the time or always overreacting.
The reality is that you never really know all that is going on with other people, with family health or financial situations. You don’t know what happened at their homes that morning or the night before. You don’t really know what triggered this emotionally upset moment. You can therefore decide: Let me choose compassion for these people instead of judgment and start exercising empathy.
• Lean in and work on the problem together. “Difficult” people often behave that way because they are trying to get something they need or trying to make something happen. They probably think the only way they can get colleagues’ attention is by outwardly showing anger. But we know from experience that the way to get better service is to be a better customer. And the same goes for getting the help we all want from our colleagues.
Let your colleagues know—as subtly as possible—that being upset, angry, or “difficult” is not the best way to get what they need. You can start by saying, “I care. Help me understand what you are concerned about.” By saying this and then listening, often the anger will fade away. Once your colleagues have calmed down, you can say, “Thank you for explaining this to me. Let’s solve this problem together. It’s not us or them. It’s just us.” And then you can get to work solving the problem.
• Plan how you’ll work together. One way to defuse a difficult situation is to pull out a piece of paper and decide what actions each of you will take next. This helps remove emotional tension and gets everyone down to work.
The sooner you say, “Let’s figure this thing out. What action can I take that will create value for you? Let’s agree on next steps. Let’s make some promises to each other,” the better. Working this way creates a culture of colleagues taking action to create value for each other. It takes emotion out of the equation and creates a platform where people can work more effectively with each other.
• Role model the right behavior. One of the best ways to make this behavior a part of your company culture is to role model it yourself. And you can do this from any position in the organization: from the top, the middle or the front lines. Eventually, your colleagues will see how you handle these situations and how well your approach leads to positive action.
When others see that problems don’t need to be painful, that emotions don’t need to be escalated, they’ll realize that “difficult situations” don’t need to consume all your energy, or your entire day. As more and more people inside your organization take this approach, they will recognize this is what the culture is becoming, this is what our company really is. Everyone will see that this approach really works, and everyone will want to take part.
Think about it like this: The “difficult” co-workers you encounter on a given workday are simply people seeking service. Being able to recognize and reconcile those situations internally is just as important as being able to recognize when a customer interaction has gone south. With surprising service coming from the inside, it’s easier to step up your service on the outside. And when that happens, everyone at the organization wins.
Ron Kaufman is the founder of UP! Your Service, a global service education and management consultancy firm with offices in the United States and Singapore. He is also a columnist at Bloomberg Business Week and the author of 14 other books on service, business and inspiration.
